Fifteen years ago, my partner and I lost twin boys born prematurely through a surrogacy journey in India. One was stillborn. The other passed away after six weeks in intensive care. We returned home to Australia not just grieving but completely unprepared for the weight of that loss, emotionally, logistically, legally. No professional support. No mental health care. Just silence.
We went on to build our family through surrogacy, but even then, we faced ethical breaches, miscommunications, and irreversible mistakes, including having two different donors used without our knowledge.
It was that experience that led me to found Surrogacy Australia, and later, Growing Families. And it’s that same lived experience, backed by fourteen years of global research and community advocacy, that has shaped my submission to the Australian Law Reform Commission’s inquiry into surrogacy law.
Because what happened to us is still happening to too many Australians. And it doesn’t have to.
The Problem Is Systemic – and Fixable
Right now, our laws are outdated, inconsistent, and in many cases, discriminatory. In some states, single men and gay couples still can’t access surrogacy. In others, intended parents are forced into costly legal processes after birth to be recognised as their child’s legal parent even if no one disputes who the real parents are.
Surrogates, meanwhile, carry the legal burden for months, despite never intending to raise the child. They’re often out of pocket, unsupported, and under-recognised.
And while we claim to prioritise ethics, we continue to criminalise or make it impossibly hard to access surrogacy here, forcing people offshore into systems that often lack transparency and support. The result? More risk, less oversight, and far more expensive journeys for families who are already navigating emotional and financial strain.
What Needs to Change
My submission proposes a number of practical reforms:
- Introduce a simple, pre-birth process for establishing legal parentage: so children aren’t left in limbo and surrogates aren’t left legally responsible for babies they never intended to raise.
- Fund surrogacy-related IVF through Medicare: to bring fairness to those who didn’t choose infertility, and who deserve equitable access to family-building.
- Allow modest, capped compensation for surrogates: recognising the enormous physical and emotional labour involved, without opening the door to profiteering.
- Allow and regulate professional surrogacy agencies: so that matching, screening, and support are handled by trained professionals, not left to social media forums or chance.
- End outdated discrimination: so that every Australian, regardless of where they live or who they love, has the same opportunity to become a parent.
These are not radical ideas. They are evidence-based, ethical, and aligned with reforms already happening in countries like the UK, Canada, Ireland, and Denmark.
You can read my full submission here.
This Is About More Than Policy. It’s About People.
Behind every surrogacy journey is a real family, often one that has endured years of heartache. Behind every surrogate is a generous human being taking on physical and emotional risk. And behind every child born through surrogacy is the right to be known, loved, and legally recognised by their parents from day one.
We must move past fear-based policy. We must stop punishing families for needing help to build them.
I’ve spent the last fourteen years sitting with families in their hardest moments. I’ve heard their stories. I’ve lived them myself. I can promise you this: the need for change is urgent. But it’s also achievable if we have the courage to push for it.
Let’s build a system that finally works for surrogates, for parents, and most of all, for the children who deserve better from the moment they are born.
