One of the most common and deeply personal questions intended parents ask is:
“Will my child feel different because they were born through surrogacy?”
It’s a vulnerable concern, rooted in love. Intended parents want to ensure their child grows up feeling secure, accepted, and whole. But with so much emphasis placed on biology and traditional family structures in society, it’s natural to wonder: Will my child struggle with their story? Will they feel like something is missing?
The good news? Children born through surrogacy are telling us exactly how they feel, and their answers might surprise you.
Lia’s Story: “It Made Me Proud.”
Lia Russell was born through surrogacy, and she’s never seen that as something that made her “different.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Being born through surrogacy has never made me feel different. If anything, it made me proud to know how much effort my parents put into having me.
From a young age, Lia understood that her birth story wasn’t a source of secrecy or shame. It was a story of love, determination, and deep parental longing. Instead of feeling isolated, she felt uniquely valued.
I’ve never felt insecure or confused about my family or cultural background. I just knew I was deeply wanted.
Her experience reflects a growing reality: when families embrace openness and communicate with love, children born through surrogacy tend to thrive.
In fact, families who build through assisted reproduction often report even higher levels of communication, intentional parenting, and emotional closeness.
Openness and honesty are key ingredients in helping a child understand and embrace their beginnings. Here are some tips intended parents can keep in mind:
1. Start Early; Even Before They Can Understand
Introduce the story naturally, using age-appropriate language. You might say, “We had help from a special woman who carried you in her tummy,” or use storybooks designed for surrogacy families. Starting early helps normalize the story and avoids the pressure of a “big reveal” later.
2. Be Honest, but Reassuring
Explain the facts gently, but always center the love and effort it took to bring them into the world. The message should be: “You were so wanted, and we worked so hard to have you.”
3. Create Rituals or Keepsakes
Consider making a photo book or memory box about your journey. Including the surrogate (if you’re in touch) or sharing photos and letters can make the experience feel real and positive.
4. Answer Their Questions as They Grow
Children’s understanding of their origins will deepen over time. Let their curiosity guide the conversation. Stay calm, open, and present for the questions, even the big ones.
“Love, Not Blood”
When asked what she’d say to someone considering starting a family through surrogacy, Lia didn’t hesitate:
It’s a journey that takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. Blood isn’t what makes a family. Love is.
That simple truth from someone who’s lived the experience is what every intended parent needs to hear.
Trust the Love You’re Building
Surrogacy is a journey built on intention, care, and often, incredible emotional strength. The result is a child who grows up knowing they were deeply, deliberately, and wholeheartedly wanted.
Your child might not feel “different” but if they do, it might just be in the best way possible. Like Lia, they may feel proud.
Want to hear more from Lia?
Lia Russell will be speaking at our upcoming National Surrogacy & Donor Conception Conference in Melbourne about growing up through surrogacy and what she wants intended parents to know. Join us for this honest, hopeful, and powerful conversation.
Sam Everingham is the founder of Growing Families. He has extensive global networks with surrogacy researchers, families, agencies, and reproductive specialists, and has been helping couples and singles with their family building journey for over a decade. He is a regular media commentator and has co-authored articles on surrogacy in several reputable journals.
